The Masks We Wear

I spent a life time trying to fit it, to being one of the crowd. I said ‘yes’ to just about everything and everyone because I wanted to be loved, to be seen and heard. I was told how to behave and who I should be like. I became a master at smiling a lot and laughing to only hide how I was really feelings, which most of the time was hurt.  I had spent so much time pretending who I was not that I really lost sight of me. 

Then I started to ask myself some questions, which at the time were pretty deep ones.  

Why was it important  to fit in? What was I afraid of? Why could I not say “No”?

Why could I not stand up for me? I was very strong when it came to negotiating a real estate transaction yet that was just a role I played.  Then I wondered, “Where and how to I begin my self discovery”? Part of my life was to peel away all the masks. I had a feeling buried beneath them was the real me. Now I become curious, “Who am I?”

Each day I uncovered more of me as the masks fell away. Often I would look into the mirror and noticed how my face was softening and my eyes looked different and my smile was real.  As I changed so did my heart and the love for myself. The hatred slipped away replaced with compassion and understanding.  The anger, sadness, fear, hurt, grief wove together now working with me and not against me. I do run into the odd bump in the road. In a way I look forward to them because they are just reminding me that my work is not yet done. When will I be done? The day I transition off this planet.